Oh, Big Orange Box Home Improvement Store (BOBHIS). I just needed a hinge for my under-sink bathroom cupboard. I asked your helpful, yet strangely avoidant, associate where those would be located. He pointed and said "all the hinges" are over by the power tools. Of course, you did not carry the one I needed, so I bought a similar hinge. Installed it. Worked fine, but you could tell it was a mis-match.

Needed new rollers for my sliding screen doors. Went to The Big Orange Box Home Improvement Store again. Found the rollers on my own. And, much to my surprise and Joy, I found an entire new species of hinges next to the rollers; far far away from "all the hinges" by the power tools. Since Hinge 1.0 was already used, I was unable to return it. Hinge 2.0 cost twice as much, but was the correct design.

Now, I'd like to ramp up here, and begin my usual foul-mouthed rant regarding BOBHIS, but really, is $4 worth my time, html code, pixels, etc? But it makes me wonder if this kind of treatment is by design. Add up all the BOBHIS $4 errors, and that makes for a tidy profit. Not to mention the standard BOBHIS 3-trip per project minimum, each time having to pass by all the end caps full of guy candy (power sander for $30!!! Full-size kegerator for $399!!!) which I'm sure many guys of the male gender can tell you can be irresistible.

I spend so much time there while working on my personal home improvement projects, that people are beginning to think I work there. Light bulbs? Aisle 4, right side (no florescent dimmable options). Hinges? Let me give you a map. My point, I guess if I have one other than this is a good excuse for a rant, is that BOBHIS seems more intent on getting you out the door (or at least away from whatever poor associate sap was unfortunate enough to 'help' you) than on establishing a good working relationship with it's customers. I guess it's the price one pays for cheaper prices, etc. But I think they could do better. I can help.

I've got to run and put on my orange apron, I have a customer.

Let the Joy rain down upon thee, after the incompetent roofing company does a sub-standard job on your new roofing project. Bathe in said Joy, until you have been covered from head to toe, dripping wet while you contemplate drowning yourself in the pool of Joy provided, once again, by ACME Incompetence Inc. Thanks!

Woke up this morning after a heavy rain (we have been in a drought for a couple of months) to find bubbling paint and a puddle of water on my new wood floor. Since we have not had much rain since the roofing project was completed, this has gone unnoticed until now (thanks A.I. Inc.!). This is in addition to the newly installed gutter above our balcony leaking onto our faccia boards and vents, which I have been trying to get them to fix for months.

Ok, A.I. Inc, is this not your only job; your cup of tea? Don't you do this for a living? How can there be so many problems yet so little follow through? This is my home, goddamnit! You are slowing causing damage to the structure of my house. But you don't seem to care, do you? I bet you will tell me it is somehow my fault, or that it is too late now as the project was completed months ago and I am only reporting the problem now. Well, you fucking geniuses, since we are in a drought, there has not been much rain; ergo no sign of a leak until now. Understand? You've already been out twice to 'fix' the gutter issue, with the same ass-sucking results. Now, we have a new problem. Good thing our condo association still owes you $80K, which they will use as leverage to get you to finish the job correctly.

UPDATE:

Just got a call from the property manager, and she is pissed. She is opening a can of ass-bleeding Joy, heating it up in the microwave, and will be serving to you shortly. Paul, of A.I. Inc., you wanted to blow me off and move onto your next job, didn't you? You thought I would just let it go, or forget about it (hard to do when you are standing in a puddle of water in your dining room)?

(To the tune of the Bud Light commercial song): Well, this Bud Light is for you Mr. Substandard-Work-Non-Customer-Service-Oriented-No-Follow-Though-Dipshit. You take already bad workmanship, and bring it down to a new level. While some companies say, "How may I exceed your expectations today?" you scoff, and reply, "Our customer service can only go up from here, but no thanks!" (gotta-make-the-money). If awards were given out for poor customer service, you would have a Pulitzer trophy in a display case, next to your Mr. Hanky sculpture for being the winner of the Advancement of Shitty Workmanship. Congratulations to you Paul, for your lackluster performance in your chosen career field. (Mr. Substandard-Work-Non-Customer-Service-Oriented-No-Follow-Though-DIiiiiip-shIIiiiiiit).

Anyone still checking to see if I post to this somewhat non-existent blog?

Observation of the week:

Don't you think companies that require employees to recite, "Thank you for calling [Company Name]! How may I exceed your expectations today?" makes them sound like they are selling The Happy Ending option at the local 'massage' parlor?