Did I fall into a coma, only to awake in some parallel universe of joy where all TV commercials must either suck, or make no sense? Where in the fuck did this Russian dude come from, and why is he so goddamn excited about Reward Points from CitiCards? Is he some character from a TV show I never watched or something? Why does he look like some chemistry teacher-pedophile (that might explain the silent and youthful looking sidekick, however)? What a dick. Get the fuck off my TV.

Annoying, annoying, very annoying!

Joy! to the world!
The fucking-annoying-avalanche-o'-Christmastime-Jewelery-commercials begin--
Let Earth, explode so we don't have to hear them any longer!

Or so my lyrics go this morning. I swear to the Fucking Flying Spaghetti Monster, if I hear "Every Kiss Begins With Kay..." one more Spaghetti Monster time, I am climbing the tower. How is it possible to take an already horrible commercial idea, and take a huge, runny, bile-filled dump on it each year to make it worse, then (**** ALERT!!!! As I am typing this, mother fucker piss of shit Kay Jewelers just played that FUCKING commercial again. See? There is no escape. If I turn the TV off, I hear them on the radio. If I turn the radio off, some little elf dressed in Kay Jewelers attire comes to my door to recreate the commercials live for me. See?!!!) release these crap-filled pieces of commercial joy upon the viewing public for viewing NO LESS THAN 106,456,666,410,001 times during the Christmas season? I can only thank the Good Spaghetti Monster (ramen, brother... ramen) that the political season and the Christmas season never occur simultaneously. Can you fucking imagine?!

"Every Kiss Begins With Kay... --- And don't forget, that The Kiss of Death accompanies my opponent. He is evil. Don't vote for him. I approved this 3 ct pear-shaped diamond pendant available at Kay's for only $199, and this message."

They would probably have polling places AT Kay Jewelers for Spaghetti's sake! (****ALERT!!! Another Kay commercial as I type***).

Well FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOUUUUUUU KAY JEWELERS!!! I will NEVER buy anything from you because your ad campaign haunts me. Your cheap merchandise and high school production commercials truly suck ass.

Btw - As if the people receiving Kay Krap would be happy about this horrific gift anyway. They would probably wonder why hubby/wifey went so cheap, then wished hubby/wife would have been sucked in by the equally-annoying-with-just-as-much-air-time Lexus commercials instead. At least they would be getting a Lexus for having to suffer through such an experience.

This message has been brought to you by the letters K, and S, U, & X.

*** UPDATE ***

Oh, and FUCK YOU too Zales, Jarred, Charleston Alexander, The Jewery Factory, and 97.1!!!