I continue to heavily contribute to my Joy01(k) plan at work. Today, a coworker IM's me to aggressively inform me that he will be taking over the desk by the window once it is unoccupied (the guy who sits there gave notice).
Okay, so let me give you a little background on this asshole. He is the guy who has everything, and works for nothing. Divorced and remarried into a wealthy family, this guy lives in a Ritzy part of town (bought for with his wife's money), owes a beach house (same financing plan), several cars (one of which was paid for from Lovey-poo's Daddy who just happened to find some stock in her name for the EXACT amount of the purchase price of the vehicle), yet remains one of the cheapest mother fuckers on the planet. He is the type of guy that would separate 2-ply Charmin to save a few cents. At work, he spends more time working on getting out of doing any actual work than if he would just do the work in the first place. I mean this fuck is absolutely lazy and worthless. Yet since he used to do (in college) what in now our business, his resume' keeps him afloat. But how the fuck did he not get fired in college? He has no skills! Every task given to him comes back in horrible shape. He doesn't follow directions. All he can do is copy/paste, which is what is keeps getting assigned to do to "keep him busy". The rest of us do the actual work that involves occipital lobes. And here is the kicker, THIS FUCK KEEPS GETTING THANKED FOR OUR WORK!!! He is not our manager, so this makes no sense. He is the guy who gets all the breaks, has all the luck, and will always be fine in life. I fucking HATE people who get ahead through no effort of their own. This guy deserves a fucking 50ft bronze statue of his likeness to honor this disparity.
Anyway, so today he tells me not to get any ideas about moving to this soon-to-be-unoccupied-desk. Says he is going to pull 'rank' on me. Mind you, I have not responded to his IM, yet here his is 'telling me how it is going to be'. So I gently remind him that he quit our company several years ago, only to ask for his job back a couple of weeks later. Therefore, I "outrank" him. You would think I just said I was going to rape Lovey-poo or something. He explodes with attitude and ends by saying, and I quote (if you could not tell by the quotes) "nine days of interruption does not an interruption make." Fuck you Yoda, yes it does! As far as your Rank Argument goes, it makes all the difference. See, you quit. You left the company. Then you came back. You get to go to the back of The Rank Line. If Yoda can come back to the swamp after nine days, then what is the cutoff point? 15 days? A month? A year? Sorry, back of the line. Also, his closer was priceless: "Alas, have yourself a sparkling day." Apparently, Yoda lived through the Iron Age, residing somewhere in Britain.
That's the fourth grader argument. The professional in me says that I have more office equipment, work, and responsibilities and so, therefore, it is advantageous for my company to give the space to someone who needs it. I have two computers in storage because I currently do not have enough space. I have dozens and dozens of software books, supplies and training materials. I am Team Lead on a yearly project. Yoda travels with a laptop only and has almost zero responsibilities. I can see why he would need to have more space to do nothing.
But obviously, the main problem I am having is the attitude. Hey you stupid fuck-- you are not my manager and I do not answer to you in any way. Why, therefore, do you feel you need to approach someone like you did? Why do you push, shove and scramble to pick up any tiny morsel of Advantage from the Company Piñata at any cost? I see how this has worked for you: you whine, bitch, moan and become such an annoying pain in the ass that your managers just give in to your petty requests, rather than continually argue with you. You petty requests then add up to some nice perks after awhile. You are the epitome of fat, lazy, gluttonous America. Unfortunately, you are our Workforce. Enjoy your great and wonderful life; we've all enjoyed giving it to you.
Okay, so let me give you a little background on this asshole. He is the guy who has everything, and works for nothing. Divorced and remarried into a wealthy family, this guy lives in a Ritzy part of town (bought for with his wife's money), owes a beach house (same financing plan), several cars (one of which was paid for from Lovey-poo's Daddy who just happened to find some stock in her name for the EXACT amount of the purchase price of the vehicle), yet remains one of the cheapest mother fuckers on the planet. He is the type of guy that would separate 2-ply Charmin to save a few cents. At work, he spends more time working on getting out of doing any actual work than if he would just do the work in the first place. I mean this fuck is absolutely lazy and worthless. Yet since he used to do (in college) what in now our business, his resume' keeps him afloat. But how the fuck did he not get fired in college? He has no skills! Every task given to him comes back in horrible shape. He doesn't follow directions. All he can do is copy/paste, which is what is keeps getting assigned to do to "keep him busy". The rest of us do the actual work that involves occipital lobes. And here is the kicker, THIS FUCK KEEPS GETTING THANKED FOR OUR WORK!!! He is not our manager, so this makes no sense. He is the guy who gets all the breaks, has all the luck, and will always be fine in life. I fucking HATE people who get ahead through no effort of their own. This guy deserves a fucking 50ft bronze statue of his likeness to honor this disparity.
Anyway, so today he tells me not to get any ideas about moving to this soon-to-be-unoccupied-desk. Says he is going to pull 'rank' on me. Mind you, I have not responded to his IM, yet here his is 'telling me how it is going to be'. So I gently remind him that he quit our company several years ago, only to ask for his job back a couple of weeks later. Therefore, I "outrank" him. You would think I just said I was going to rape Lovey-poo or something. He explodes with attitude and ends by saying, and I quote (if you could not tell by the quotes) "nine days of interruption does not an interruption make." Fuck you Yoda, yes it does! As far as your Rank Argument goes, it makes all the difference. See, you quit. You left the company. Then you came back. You get to go to the back of The Rank Line. If Yoda can come back to the swamp after nine days, then what is the cutoff point? 15 days? A month? A year? Sorry, back of the line. Also, his closer was priceless: "Alas, have yourself a sparkling day." Apparently, Yoda lived through the Iron Age, residing somewhere in Britain.
That's the fourth grader argument. The professional in me says that I have more office equipment, work, and responsibilities and so, therefore, it is advantageous for my company to give the space to someone who needs it. I have two computers in storage because I currently do not have enough space. I have dozens and dozens of software books, supplies and training materials. I am Team Lead on a yearly project. Yoda travels with a laptop only and has almost zero responsibilities. I can see why he would need to have more space to do nothing.
But obviously, the main problem I am having is the attitude. Hey you stupid fuck-- you are not my manager and I do not answer to you in any way. Why, therefore, do you feel you need to approach someone like you did? Why do you push, shove and scramble to pick up any tiny morsel of Advantage from the Company Piñata at any cost? I see how this has worked for you: you whine, bitch, moan and become such an annoying pain in the ass that your managers just give in to your petty requests, rather than continually argue with you. You petty requests then add up to some nice perks after awhile. You are the epitome of fat, lazy, gluttonous America. Unfortunately, you are our Workforce. Enjoy your great and wonderful life; we've all enjoyed giving it to you.
posted by Lou Bricant at
8:37 AM
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